Six Years

Six years ago today,
My nephew Anson was born,
And I took a walk around the hospital
With my mom.
We said, “Wow, what a day.”
She asked, “What else is going on with you?”
And I said, “Well. I think I’m dating somebody.”
And there it was.
And every day since, still is.
Happy six fun memorable cool blessed travelling challenging stretching relaxing learning growing talking and seriously … wonderful years, my love.


Gateless Gateway

“A Short Little Grouping of Words,
Written on the Occasion of Sitting
Here on this Lovely Patio
Whilst Debating Two Forks in Roads
Not Yet Traveled, Not Yet Chosen
And Unsure Which Way
This Road Will Yet Go.”

REMINDER: that life can be fun —
My self-involved moments
Of academic & professional angst
Zoning out here on the patio
Not sure what will be (or what will come)
Not sure which fork in the road to take
Punctuated by wandering Pokemon-Go’ers,
Who happily inform me:
“That sculpture, right there!”
“It’s a gym! It won’t let me capture it!”
(It’s called “Gateless Gateway”)
If only I could find a Gateless Gateway
For myself.


I hold these truths to be self-evident:

(1) My career: dwindled down to nary a career at all. 
By and large – NO, really – not my fault.
My choices? Yes. Entirely my fault.
But the circumstances to follow? Not so much.
And that past, my friends, is just that – the PAST.
As in: it doth no longer exist.
So, how can I blame it? This past? I cannot.
But, I must accept: a career which does not enable
A person to stand on their own two feet
To have predictable work, more than maybe half the year
Is really no career at all.

(2) Two New Choices: Not Quick, Not Easy, But Worth It?
It hits me: today when options are made real.
One choice: spins off my current “career”
But still, could take two years.
The other, an entirely new direction and field.
Also, somehow magically – taking two years.
How can I wait that long?
What will I be doing between now, and then?
And besides: I went to college for 15 years
After high school. And yet, here I am, again.
When is enough, is enough, is enough?
Just get a “real” job, already.
I want the one I used to have
Which now, so sadly, so stupidly,
No longer really exists.
So these new choices: two options, more employable?
And if NOT – God forbid, if NOT –
Well then, what?
But at least two more years in school.
Math classes textbooks exams more studies …
And after that it’s anybody’s guess.
And so – which way do I go?

(3) I forgot what three was. I had three real points. I swear. But now, I am tired. Sad and tired and confused.Rest and an offline evening to come. Gateless Gateway. That is where I began, and here I will end.

In closing,

I thank two women today who showed me kindness:

  • The academic adviser who encouraged me to take a math assessment, resulting in: a slight ego boost, and skipping over two intro math classes I would have had to take. She moonlights as a part-time adviser, when really she is the Dean of Student Services. It occurred to me while looking at her business card – and thinking of my own education and experience – that her position is more like where my own career path should be. Other choices, other paths not taken. Again.
  • The woman who made my delicious dinner sub, enjoyed while ruminating over the day’s events. She kindly asked, “When is your last class this summer?”   And I replied, “I’ll probably be starting this fall.”  “What program?”  I told her,  and she smiled. I felt like a real student again. In the good way.