Mean and Green


Four green apples, eight stalks of celery, a chunk of fresh ginger, 16 stems of lacinato kale, two cucumbers, and one lemon = 32 ounces of pure Mean Green Juice.

I push the grocery cart through Meijer, feeling simultaneously excited and silly to be filling it with huge piles of vegetables and fruits. And that’s it. Just produce.

Actually, I kind of feel like a horse – pushing a 10-pound-bag of carrots around in a public place will do that to you. People gaze into your cart with bemused smiles, wondering (or clearly a few times, KNOWING) what madness you’re up to. A dozen cucumbers, a few melons, piles of lacinato kale, swiss chard, green apples and lemons.

I swing past the deli area, and just for a beat think: “NO BREAD. NO CHEESE. And that’s okay. I think. It will be. I don’t need that. I have these million pounds of veggies and fruits that are pure rocket fuel.”   We’ll see.

As I weigh and ring up all that produce – which effectively scares off any other takers behind me in the self-checkout aisle – a sweet older male clerk comes over to help me bag it up. Double-bag it up, that is, in a second layer of enviroment-crushing plastic. I grab the reusable bag I brought, and as politely as I can, smile and say “No thanks.” He gets it. Don’t wanna be contributing to the wreckage of the outer environment while I am trying this hard to nourish my inner one.

And there it is. My cart loaded with 50 bucks of pure nutrition. Maybe enough for five days. If I sip an allotted four instead of possible six 16-ounce servings every day. And here I go.

The sweet clerk returns as I walk away, carefully folding the dozen or so coupons that have spilled out from that weird and annoying coupon spitter. Who needs buy-three-get-two-free cracker coupons when all you chew on or sip is plants?

“These belong to anyone?” he says to me, and the one brave soul who ended up waiting in line behind me.

“Nope,” I think. Walk away, leaving all the junk behind.


Weird moments aside, I’m happy to say that making four servings of Mean Green Juice was pretty fun last night, and I am making a commitment. To a change, to my greater health, to getting more than all the nutrients I need and seeing what this crazy experiment is really like.

My love and I watched Joe Cross’s Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead last weekend, in which he gets super healthy consuming nothing but vegetable and fruits juices for 60 days. It was pretty darned interesting. I’ve enjoyed lots of green drinks in the past, and this week I decided to try this thing for real for the first time. Maybe for 3-5 days. Maybe more. We’ll see how it goes.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s